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Congress bans nasty weather

Citing intolerable inconveniences associated with fierce storms, floods, and high winds, Congress passed sweeping legislation last week banning all such events in most of the continental United States. Exceptions will be made only for sparsely inhabited areas such as most of New England and anywhere near the Canadian border, where foul weather will predominate as usual.

The new ruling is expected to save trillions of dollars in so-called disaster aid to areas formerly afflicted with the results of what used to be known as climate change. A major provision in the law stipulates that climate will only be permitted to change for the better.

Advocates for the legislation applauded what is expected to be a vast improvement in the number of perfect golf and tennis days, and much-needed relief for owners of waterfront property. While the oceans continue to rise for reasons nobody seems to understand, the rise should be manageable in the absence of storms to stir things up.

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