A coalition of enraged beavers has filed a formal complaint against the town of Harvard for what it sees as an intolerable escalation in the town’s long-standing persecution of this hardworking cohort of working-class residents. The most recent evidence of the town’s contempt came in the form of unprecedented fiscal 2026 property tax bills based on the town’s claim that beavers inhabit valuable waterfront properties and should be taxed accordingly. Their spacious multilevel lodges are also being subject to overdue penalties for failure to file building plans, seek required variances, and for clear evidence that trees were cut down and used in construction without obtaining the proper permits or consulting the tree warden.
Speaking through wildlife protection attorneys, beavers claim that these tax bills are just one more affront, added to a pattern of previous eviction attempts, that indicate their presence is unwelcome. They point to their invaluable work in not only protecting, but creating wetlands, and to their flawless reputation for model citizenship. They don’t form packs that howl at night and prey on small household pets, nor do they rummage through trash. By long tradition they successfully home-school their offspring, recycle everything, and often provide shelter to unhoused neighbors.
They are highly skilled engineers, experts in building comfortable workforce housing. They should be running for public office, but they’re way too smart for that.