After completing her graduate studies in the United States, Suraiya Suliman decided to emigrate from Bangladesh to America in order to be close to her siblings. Now residing in Harvard with her own family, Suliman works as an engineer and is an active member of Arm in Arm, an all-volunteer group that seeks to foster inclusiveness, diversity, and respect in the Harvard community. Living in a mix of Bengali and American culture, Suliman describes her experiences with different cultures and values.
Suraiya Suliman. (Photo by Tim Clark)
I don’t know how I would have been if I didn’t come to America. I live in a world where some days, I feel very Bengali because I have very Bengali values and ideas. And some days, I feel very American, because I want to make sure that everybody in the community is valued, and all opportunities are available to everybody. But I think everybody in America has those kind of dualities, because everybody comes from somewhere else, right?
I think my children benefit because they see different viewpoints. My children were born in America. My husband is from Trinidad. So some days they say they’re Bengali, and some days they say they’re Trinidadian; but I always remind them that they are American first.
I’ve put a lot of thought into it, and I don’t know if this is totally American, but this idea that you always have to encourage children and say, “Oh, you’re doing a great job.” The way we were brought up was if I brought home a math test that I scored 96 on, my father would immediately say, “Why didn’t you get 100?” I had to learn to say to my children, “Oh, wow, you worked very hard to get a 96,” as opposed to saying, “You have to work harder next time to get 100.”
I’ve had to question whether it’s actually a good idea to say, “great job!” for everything that they do. I’m still trying to figure that out. But I think it’s common, it’s very common, when you come from an Asian culture.
America was a very welcoming place where immigrants felt very represented. I wouldn’t say [that I have experienced] very overt racism. But from day to day, it’s very covert, right? You’re in a shop, and you are waiting for help, and the salesperson automatically goes and asks somebody who looks obviously American, ‘Oh, can I help you? What would you like?’ Whereas I’m just left standing. That kind of stuff happens. But I’ve been fortunate to not feel anything … [she pauses]
… Oh, yes! Yes, I did feel something that was right after the election. My niece and my nephew were visiting me. They had grown up in Billerica. We decided to go and have ice cream at their favorite ice cream place. And when we were there, there was a woman in a car, and I think her partner was getting ice cream. And as soon as he got the ice cream and he got in the car, she screamed at us, ‘Go back to where you came from! You don’t belong here!’ And they drove off.
So, yes, that was shocking because my niece and my nephew were born here; they grew up in that community, and I don’t think they had ever experienced anything like that before.
There are certain days when things happen in the U.S., right, when school shootings happen and I’m afraid for my kids, or an incidence of racial hate happens, or even when so-called terrorists do something bad, it makes me afraid, and it makes me want to pack up my family and leave. But following that, I’m always reminded that I do want to be here, and I love this country. I swore an oath to become a citizen and that is very important to me. And I do want to stay and work to make things better and create more understanding amongst people.
When we did the Women’s March, I saw women and men of all different colors, all different sizes, and you know, from a lot of different places, and I felt that I belonged here. And I felt that the ability to express myself was important, and that I could do that in America. In a lot of other countries in the world, you couldn’t do something like that, and I felt very proud.
So I don’t know if there is any [such thing] as “American-ness” by itself. I think it’s just a mixing pot of everybody coming together and having some democratic values. That’s what I like, and as a Bengali that’s what I value, because in Bangladesh, oftentimes you cannot give expression to these values. Even if you believe them, you are limited in the ways you can act or live those values from day to day. And in America, I’m very happy to be able to do that.”
Suraiya Suliman was interviewed by Bromfield sophomore Olivia Ren at last month’s Report for Harvard workshop. The interview was transcribed by Joan Eliyesil. Sydney Blackwell assisted Olivia in editing the transcript for publication. Report for Harvard was made possible by the generous support of the Rollstone Bank and the Harvard Schools Trust.
Sydney Blackwell (left) mentors Olivia Ren in the interviews at last month’s Report for Harvard workshop. (Photo by Tim Clark)
