Keith and Mary Helan Turner in front of Friendly Crossways last summer. (Courtesy photo)
The best word to describe Mary Helan and Keith Turner’s 32 year relationship is “cinematic”! You can almost imagine their romance playing out on a big screen as they recount their courtship and tales from 30 years of marriage.
Mary Helan grew up on Littleton County Road where her parents, Martin and Anne Vesenka, owned and operated Friendly Crossways Hostel. She credits her childhood there with the sense of wanderlust that eventually landed her in Hawaii and led to her meeting Keith. She graduated from Bromfield in 1971 as valedictorian of her class at the ripe age of fifteen and then completed her undergraduate studies at Brandeis University. After receiving her degree, she served with the Peace Corps and then the UN High Commission on Refugees in the Philippines, eventually landing in a PhD program at the University of Hawaii, where she earned a degree in Agricultural Economics.
Keith is a native of Georgia. At the time he and Mary Helan met, he was a SCUBA instructor, a job on which he built his career as an underwater, topside, and aerial cinematographer with clients that have included National Geographic, BBC, WQED and PBS.
The Turners have three children, all graduates of Bromfield: James McCord Kaleialoha, 25, a tour boat operator and bartender on Maui; Daniel Martin Niolopuaikaualena, 22, a science-desk intern at NPR in Washington, D.C.; and Rebecca Ann Kameamakamaemahuiolaikapoliohina, 20, who is studying Arabic in Amman, Jordan.
Press: How did you meet?
Mary Helan: We met over the phone in 1981, when I was a new grad student at the University of Hawaii. At the behest of my current boyfriend on the mainland, I had been looking for a really inexpensive SCUBA course, and had called all the dive shops in Honolulu asking about prices and ocean versus pool dives. The instructor who answered the phone on one of my calls had a real smooth, slightly southern drawl, and said something that made me laugh almost immediately.
As we talked, he kept dropping the price until he had made an offer I couldn’t refuse, and I thought, “Oh, boy, I could be in trouble.” But then I heard a baby cry in the background, so I figured I was safe.
When I showed up for my first class, my instructor, Keith, was tall, with laughing blue eyes, long curly sun-bleached hair and the triangular figure (wide shoulders and an itty bitty waist) of a Greek god, in addition to a having a terrific sense of humor and a mixture of southern courtesy and Hawaiian aloha. The baby, however, belonged to his boss. I was not safe after all!”
Keith: I was just getting off work at the dive shop when the phone rang. My boss had his newborn daughter at the shop. She was crying and in need of attention. He asked me to get the phone before I left. Mary Helan was on the other end of the line and the first thing she said was, “I just finished the Tin Man Triathalon and I’m looking for a new challenge.”
“Boy,” I thought, “this is my kind of woman.” A laugh-filled conversation ensued, during which time I not only modified our normal class to fit her needs and schedule, but I continued to drop the price with discounts I made up on the spot until she said “Okay, sign me up.”
As we hung up, both obviously looking forward to meeting in person, I looked at my boss and said “This one’s gonna be trouble.” Meaning of course that “this one may change my life.” Which she did.
Keith and Mary Helan Turner kiss on the beach in Hawaii on their wedding day in 1982. (Courtesy photo)
Press: What is your fondest memory of your courtship?
Mary Helan: There was the time when we anchored a small motor boat off Waikiki Beach and swam holding our fancy duds in plastic bags over our heads to keep them dry so that he could take me out, as a surprise, to the fabulous Sunday brunch at the Royal Hawaiian Hotel. Unbeknownst to Keith, the price of the buffet had gone up, and he hadn’t brought enough money. I don’t remember where we finally ate, but I do remember being totally impressed by the romantic gesture.
I believe I impressed Keith with my willingness to leap from cliffs into the ocean wearing full SCUBA gear, successfully hiding the fact that I hate heights. This kind of backfired when we drove up Mauna Kea, a 12,000-plus-foot volcano on the Big Island.Our 2-cylinder car died in the thin air, and he insisted we continue to hike to the top as I complained, loudly, about altitude sickness. I didn’t realize he was carrying ice and a bottle of champagne in his backpack so he could ask me to marry him at the top of Mauna Kea, a mountain taller than Everest, when measured from its base at the bottom of the ocean.
Keith: A few days after our first date, I was driving a vanload of tourists back to their hotel in downtown Waikiki. As we passed a corner business, I saw Mary Helan coming out of the parking lot on her bicycle. Because of our conflicting schedules we had been unable to connect by phone. I really wanted to see her again so, without thinking, I slammed the van into park, leapt from the driver’s seat, and, leaving the door open, ran down the street. I had to run for two blocks before I caught up to her. I asked her out, she said “Yes,” and only then did I remember the guests I’d left in the middle of the street. I slunk back to the van and when one of the tourists in the back called my name, I was prepared for the worst. “Keith,” he said, “Can I chase the next one?”
Press: What was it like planning a wedding so far away from your family?
Mary Helan: We had planned to get married on the beach as the sun rose. My mother didn’t think it was right to have the wedding so early in the morning with so many guests flying in from the mainland. We went around in circles about this.
Keith: That’s when I stepped in. I couldn’t watch her cry any more. So, I got out my cassette player and made a tape for her mother, which I mailed to her. I said something like this. “Hi, this is Keith. Mary Helan and I are getting married on June 26 at 5 a.m. on the beach. You are more than welcome to join us there.” I did go on to talk about how great she was and to list all her wonderful qualities! The tape was a hit. There were no further arguments. We had our sunrise wedding with our family and friends, just the way we wanted it.
Press: It must have been hard to leave Hawaii.
Mary Helan: Yes, we enjoyed our lives there. It took us five years to make the decision to move from Hawaii to Massachusetts, and the excellent school system in Harvard figured prominently in that decision. When we moved to Friendly Crossways in 1996, my parents were ready to retire. The only interest they had gotten in the property was from a developer who would have torn it all down for building lots.
Press: Now, you run Friendly Crossways together. What is it like to work together everyday?
Mary Helan: We have very different work styles: I am always juggling a lot of things at once. Keith likes to plan things meticulously and feels most effective when he can work on a project for an uninterrupted period of time. This is pretty hard to do at Friendly Crossways because there are always disruptions from guests, weather, tradesmen, and children (even though we’re empty nesters now). Thank goodness we each have our own offices, as well as realms of our own over which we reign. Keith’s the Chief Operating Officer and I’m the Chief Financial Officer and Cook. But, we decide the direction of our business together and have to agree on big ticket items, such as getting solar panels. Keith is a lot more visionary than I am, but I’m pretty good at helping implement his visions once I buy into them.
Keith: It’s stressful. But that’s the price we pay for the freedom and benefits of having a family-owned and -operated business. What mitigates the stress is the wonderful way in which we work together to resolve business crises.
Press: What is your spouse’s best quality?
Mary Helan: Have I mentioned Keith makes me laugh? He’s also generous, creative, a wonderful father, and makes a mean rum punch.
Keith: Mary Helan has many, many remarkable qualities. I value her integrity and her generosity. And, her unflagging support.
Press: Do you have any advice for a happy, healthy relationship?
Mary Helan: Even a happy, healthy relationship is not always smooth sailing. When there are marital storms, and you feel you’d like to throw your spouse overboard—preferably into the belly of a whale—remember it’s totally fine to be first mate to his captain and work together to keep the boat upright.
Keith: The absolute commitment to saying “I’m sorry” when you hurt one another and the absolute willingness to forgive.
Press: What are your Valentine’s plans?
Keith: We have decided to postpone an expensive outing on the 14th in favor of a romantic evening in Paris in May. We’ll probably stay home on the 14th and end up by the fireplace with wine and chocolates.
Mary Helan: We have no special plans for going out on Valentine’s Day. Restaurants are crowded and reservations are hard to get. I usually make Keith a special dessert. He usually gets me something lovely.
Press: Is there a secret to a long happy marriage?
Keith: It’s no secret at all. There is no one thing. Relationships take work.
Mary Helan: You have to remember that all the effort is worth it. My advice—Don’t be afraid to wait for your soul mate. I did!
